All Grace

There’s a wispy little tree with a riot of green buds right outside my office window. We planted it last fall. My college roommates gifted it to me in honor of my mom’s life. These friends have known me for over 25 years, and they gave me a perfect gift. The little tree reminds me of my mom and of my beautiful sister friends and it nudges me to wonder and write. It’s a grace.

I’ve needed many graces this week. Twice I’ve petitioned my kids for forgiveness. I’m too tired. Too impatient. Speaking too harshly. “Kids, I’m sorry I spoke out of frustration. I’m sorry I didn’t listen. Will you forgive me? I’m human. I make mistakes. I want to do better.” Hugs. Forgiveness. Another grace.

On Saturday, there was snow. This should not come as a surprise to me after all these years living in Colorado, but the midwest girl in me just cannot get over the oddity of a late April snow. This year, there were not flowers to bring inside. I have learned my lesson about planting before Mother’s Day. But there were canceled soccer games and baseball games. We stayed home. Read books. Went on a date to the grocery store. Talked for hours. Graces.

I’ve never been so certain of my need for these graces. They are the threads of hope mooring me to Jesus. Glimmers of his presence. Reminders of his love and tenderness. This season is wringing me dry. Love is costly. Gently carrying so many painful stories alongside my friends is costly. Welcoming a refugee family to our community is costly. Spending hours each week on a ministry apprenticeship is costly.

But what I know this week is that when God invites us into deeper waters of love, he does not shove us into those depths alone. He goes before us, and wades into the water with us. He sustains. He calms. He loves first. And it’s all grace.